Have you heard the phrase "happy mom, happy baby"? Or has someone ever told you to relax, you're causing the baby to fuss?

There's a moment that a lot of new mothers know. It's maybe week three or four. Your partner has gone back to work. The house is quiet in a way that doesn't feel peaceful. The baby is fed and sleeping, and you are sitting there, exhausted, anxious, and wondering why no one told you it would feel like this.

What is a good mother to you? If you’re drawing a blank, think about all of the things that you have seen on Instagram, on TV shows and movies in your life that depict a good mother. Think about the qualities that that mother has, or those mothers have. Write those down, seriously, everything that you feel makes up a good mother.

We are taught from a young age that we can do anything we set our minds to. Women can have it all: career, family, and a loving partner. What we don’t get taught is how hard it is to have it all. Climbing the career ladder is hard. Finding a loving, equitable partnership is hard. And raising children without a village is hard. But we’re given this script that when we have children, we need to be everything for that child. We need to know everything there is to know about bottle feeding and chestfeeding and which is better and why pacifiers are bad but why they might also be good, and why daycare is bad for your kid but also if you stay at home you’re not a good role model for your kids, and that you need to buy all the right toys to engage your newborn but your house needs to be spotless. It’s an impossible goal to aim for. And the reason you feel like you’re running yourself ragged is simple: the standard for modern motherhood is physically and logistically unsustainable.